Josh’s Journal Ch. 11

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I was sore the next morning when I woke up. I glanced at the clock and saw I’d overslept by about fifteen minutes. Ayden wasn’t in the room with me. I slowly got myself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. He was already dressed and was scrambling eggs.

“I’m making you breakfast,” he said. “I was going to bring it to you.”

“I need to get ready for school,” I said.

His eyes got wide and it was so damn cute I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t because I knew he was worried about me.

“Josh, you’re hurt. You need to stay home and rest.”

“I’m not going to let them win.”

“It’s not about winning, Josh,” he said. He dropped his spatula and turned to stare at me. “What if they try to hurt you again? What if it’s worse this time? What if…” He stopped and I felt guilty for the tears on his cheeks. “I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he barely whispered.

I reached out to him and held him against my chest. “It’s alright, Ayden. I know you’re scared. I’m actually kind of scared too. I know it’s stupid to keep picking a fight with them, but…look. This town is…” I searched for the right word, but I never found it. “You know how it is.”

He sniffed and put his arm around my shoulders.

“You saw how fast they all turned on me. And for what? I’m still the same person I was before. Actually, I’m better than before, because I have you. It’s because I have you that I want to stand up for myself. I’m not gonna hide from them. Things are never going to change if someone doesn’t do something. I think it should be me.” I sighed and winced at the pain in my side. “I keep thinking about how people bullied you and how hurt and alone you must have felt. Then I think about how it’ll happen to some other kid and another one after that. Until one day one of them commits suicide like those kids on the news. I don’t want that to happen.”

He looked up at me and wiped his eyes. He seemed like he couldn’t find the words to respond, but the look in his eyes was enough to let me know that he would stand beside me and maybe together we would at least make people think. I kissed him and he smiled as he pulled away.

“I think I burned your breakfast,” he said. He took the skillet off the burner and poked at the dried out, brown eggs with the spatula.

I smiled. “I’m going to need your help getting dressed,” I said.

He shook his head and laughed a little. “Normally you’re trying to get me to take your clothes off.”

I laughed a little even though it hurt. “Well, I can’t help the effect you have on me. Maybe if you didn’t wear those sexy jeans, it’d be easier for me.”

“Who says I want it to stop?” he said. He bit his lip and then turned to lead the way to my bedroom.

“Hell yeah,” I said and I followed after him. I finally caught him when he reached Bakırköy travesti the doorway to my room. I gave him a light slap on the ass and then turned him around so I could kiss him. He made the cutest little surprised squeak, but didn’t put up any fight.

I figured we were gonna be late to school anyway so I grabbed his ass with both hands and slowly led him back to the bed. He dropped to his knees right there, rubbing his hand against the hard bulge in his pants. He looked up at me, biting his lip like he always did when I got him riled up. He licked his lips and went for my cock. He took almost all of it in his mouth and I knew I couldn’t last long. He moaned when I grabbed his hair and came.

He stood and smiled at me. “Let’s get you dressed,” he said.

I shook my head and gave him a light shove onto the bed. I lowered myself to my knees and worked on his belt until I got it off. I yanked his jeans down and started licking the head of his cock.

“Oh…” he said breathlessly.

I started bobbing up and down. I grabbed on to his ass to use as leverage as I brought him closer and closer to orgasm. He was moaning and grabbing the sheets while his body sort of convulsed. There was definitely much more I wanted to do to him and I would when there was time. He made his soft little orgasm sounds and I felt the spurt of warm cum wash over my tongue.

I smiled. “OK, now you’ve gotta help me up,” I said.

“Who’s gonna help me up?” he said, laughing a bit. “That felt so good, Josh.”

My male ego appreciated the compliment. He lay there for a moment longer and then sat up. He helped me to my feet and I was pleased that I wasn’t quite as sore as I’d been when I first woke up. I got ready with his help and we headed to the school.


I knew that everyone in the class had been talking about me when I arrived. They fell silent and looked at me like they were seeing a ghost. I went to my seat and sat down without looking at them.

When class ended, Kitty surprised me in the hall. “Joshua, are you alright?” she said, not even bothering with a greeting.

I nodded. “Never been better.”

She shook her head. “I will never understand you.”

I got my second surprise when Ayden appeared at her side. He smiled at me like he was seeking approval.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I don’t want to hide anymore,” he said.

Kitty looked at us both with a worried expression. “Be careful, guys…”

“It’ll be alright,” I said, but it was more for my benefit. I should have expected it after the little speech I’d given in the kitchen this morning, but it still made me nervous to think about anything happening to Ayden. I knew he could deal with their words, but if he got attacked like I had, I wasn’t so sure. He’s just Beylikdüzü travesti so…small.

The late bell rang and Kitty gave us one last, long look before going to her class.

I hugged Ayden in the empty hallway and kissed him. “If you feel like you’re in danger, text me,” I said. “And if you can’t text me, I want you to get out of there. Do whatever it takes. Make a lot of noise or something, get someone’s attention. Don’t let anyone hurt you.”

“You be careful too, Josh,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said.


I got out of my last class early to go talk to the coaches. I wanted to make sure I still had a spot on the team.

“You got a lot of nerve showing up today,” Cameron said.

I turned to face him, relieved that he was alone. “I’m surprised, Cam. I thought you were too much of a coward to face me alone.”

“Don’t talk shit, Josh. I kicked your ass yesterday.”

“Bullshit,” I replied. “You had to get everyone on the team to turn against me. If it was a fair fight, we both know how it would go.”

“Fuck you. I didn’t make everyone turn against you; you did when you decided to be a fag.”

“You really think it was a decision? Do you really think I wanted everyone to hate me? It’s just how I am.”

“Don’t preach that shit,” Cam said. “We both know it was your choice. You just wanted to pussy out when you got Chelsea knocked up and we both know it. It’s in your blood.”

I ignored the jab about my deadbeat dad. “She made the whole thing up,” I said, but I knew no one would believe it at that point.

“You’re pathetic,” he said.

“No, you are,” I replied. “You can’t stand me because I’m not like you. You can’t stand Chelsea either, I know that. And you know how she is; you know I’m telling the truth. I’m still the same person I was before, but now you know I’m gay. That’s the only thing that’s changed. I can’t help that you’re so fucking homophobic, that’s your problem. You need to get over it.”

“You trying to turn me in to a fag like you?” he accused.

“No. Damn it, you idiot. Accepting me being gay doesn’t make you gay.”

“You’re just sick of that emo bitch,” he said. “Now you’re after me.”

I sighed. “Whatever, man. Don’t flatter yourself.”

“You keep your hands off me,” he said. He spat at my shoes and then left.

“I never touched you,” I muttered after him.

I went in to the coach’s office. He looked up like he hadn’t heard me come in, but I knew he had to of heard the entire conversation between me and Cameron. “Josh, what do you need?” he asked.

“Coach, I need a few questions answered,” I said. “First, are you going to do anything to the guys that beat me up yesterday?”

“Well…Josh, no witnesses are coming forward. We can’t know Bomonti travesti for sure who it was.”

“You could ask me.”

He sighed. “You know that’s not enough. You could accuse whoever you wanted to and it’d be your word against theirs.”

“This is bullshit,” I said.

“Watch yourself. I know you’re not happy, but the rules are the rules. You don’t get special treatment. Now what else do you need?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I quit.”

He didn’t try to change my mind. I was about to just leave, but instead I turned around. “You know, you’re just as bad as them.”

“Now, Josh…”

“No, listen to me,” I said. “You have a chance to do the right thing, but we both know you’re not going to. You’re just going to let them get away with it. I’m not asking for special treatment and you know it.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that and I didn’t have anything left to say to him.


I was still feeling like crap when I went out to my truck. Ayden was already waiting for me. He looked glad to see me. I immediately noticed the cut on his cheek.

“What happened?” I asked. It didn’t look too bad, but I was still concerned.

“Chelsea threw a rock at me,” he said with a shrug. “It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it. Nothing else happened.”

“Promise?” I said.

“It’s fine. You look upset,” he said. He scooted closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m off the team.”

He gasped. “Did they kick you off? They can’t do that!”

“No, no. I quit.”

He was silent. “I’m sorry,” he said, after a while.

I sighed and started the truck. I tried not to think of all the potential scholarships I had given up as I pulled out of the parking lot. I looked over at him again and I couldn’t stand the sad look on his face. “Smile for me,” I said.

He made a halfhearted effort. “I just know you really loved football.”

I gave him a cheesy smile. “I love you more.”

That earned me a real smile. “I love you too,” he said.

“How much?” I asked with a suggestive tone as I put a hand on his thigh.

He laughed. “How are you always so horny?” he asked.

“I blame you,” I said.

He laughed again. We got home and I took him by the hand as we went inside. I kissed him, but I wasn’t pushing for something sexual. I just wanted to hold him. We sat on the couch together and watched a little TV, trying to forget the rest of the world. A commercial came on for some kind of lube and Ayden shifted a bit.

“Do you…uh…do you have lube?” he asked.

I perked up. “Do you want some? I’m prepared to go and buy every single type of lube at the store if that’s what you want.”

He smiled shyly. “I just think maybe we might need it pretty soon.”

“For real?” I felt like a little kid being told Christmas would come two months early.

“I love you, Josh. And I…I know it might be hard for you to believe but I’ve never had sex before and…I-I want you to be my first.”

I put my hand under his chin and kissed him. “I love you too and I promise I’ll make it special.”

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