Growing Up Ch. 06

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The rest of the summer was a summer of new awakenings in my life. I had met the love of my life and he was all that mattered. Martin had exceeded all of my wildest fantasies. Growing up gay and having to hide my feelings was hard on me. I had bottled up my dreams, fantasies and emotions deep inside. I was constantly depressed. I truly believe to this day that the reason I always fought with depression during my youth was because I could never really be my true self.

Don’t get me wrong. It was still 1976 and there was still only so much of my true self that I could act on. However living on that farm for one more summer with Martin allowed me the privacy to be me. Martin and I spent that summer exploring not just our sexuality. We were exploring a first love. Only this love wasn’t a traditional guy, girl love. It was a love that we both knew was forbidden.

I had learned to hide my feelings growing up so for me I was ahead of Martin, even though he was four years older than me. I had always liked men. Growing up I was always attracted to guys. I loved the way they looked and how they behaved.

When my friends were going after girls I wouldn’t imagine being the guy. I would watch them trying to be cool and smooth to catch the girl. I would listen to them working on their lines, then watch them approach the girls. Waiting to see if they scored or crashed and burned. Then listening to them describe how they interacted with each girl as they were on their little quests to conquer them.

I acted like I was interested in how they got the girl but deep down inside I always imagined myself as the girl. I imagined myself as the object of a guy’s attention. I would fantasize about the guy trying to impress me to win my affections.

Some of you, at this point, have come to your own conclusion that I wanted to be a girl. That somehow I didn’t appreciate being a guy. To those of you that have come to that conclusion I just want you to know that you’re wrong. I didn’t then and through all the years of my life have never wanted to be anything other than what I am. A man.

What I wanted was a man that wanted me. What I wanted was to have a man that I could satisfy. A man that I could attend to and meet his needs. I wanted a man to meet my needs. But the role that I had with Martin was the role that was required and I gladly accepted it.

I was in love with my first crush and I was smitten. But despite my feelings deep down inside my conflict was that role. Martins insistence to calling my asshole his pussy through me off from the very beginning. But in the heat of passion and his cock shoved deep inside of me it was his pussy. I could care less what he called it at that moment. I gladly would go along with it.

For Martin, on the other hand, I would come to learn that for all his good looks and as well hung as he was, relationships were not his strength. Martin would always find a way to fuck up his regular relationships with every girl/woman he had ever been with. Martin never, ever thought of being with a man. Then came me.

Martin had convinced himself that even though I had a cock I was very sweet. I was also very pretty. The conversations that we would have were always pleasant. At the time I had no clue that I was being feminine around him. I was only behaving like a love sick puppy. I would fawn all over him when I was around him and in his mind I was no different than a girl

That’s how he was able to let his guard down and allow his affections for me to turn sexual. At first it was clear. I was to behave a certain way and I should not expect him to ever touch my guy parts. But a funny thing happened on his way to crazy. Martin fell for me just as hard as I fell for him. But the conflict was always there.

As far as Martin was concerned he was not gay. As far as I was concerned I was a man… with a cock, not a pussy.

I started visiting Martin on a regular basis after that wonderful Saturday night. I would make sure that my grandfather was fed and my duties at home were all taken care mecidiyeköy escort of. Then after my grandfather would fall asleep I would head to the workers quarters. To Martins place.

There I would tend to Martin’s needs. Arriving around ten o’clock in the evening and staying till one or two in the morning. The majority of the those visits Martin would fuck me silly after I sucked his cock. Martin would bang away on my hole for hours at a time. We were both young so after blowing that first load getting hard and cumming multiple more times a night was never an issue for either of us.

The first week was delicate because my asshole was still sore most of the time. By the second week I was able to try different positions and Martin could be a bit more aggressive. By the third week Martin knew that he could experiment more and fuck me harder. By the time August rolled around Martin could bottom out my hole and pound me mercilessly and I loved it.

Outside of the bedroom I accepted my roll. I would pick up after him and make him his late night snacks. Watch television on the couch with him, waiting on him hand and foot. I liked the couch because at any given moment I could go from watching a show to having my face shoved into Martins crotch getting a mouth full of cock. I loved sucking his cock.

I also started going out in public with Martin from time to time. We had to be on our best guy behavior playing the part of a couple of young guys just hanging out checking the girls out. I would eventually get jealous and on the way home act like a total, for lack of a better word, bitch.

This would lead to Martin getting mad and giving me a punish fuck when we would get home. A punish fuck is known as a grudge fuck today, I think. It was his way of getting me to stop being a bitch and him putting me in my place by fucking me really hard. Once I figured out what I was getting by using that behavior I would act out more. Find new ways to misbehave to win my punish fuck.

I also eventually introduced Martin to Janie and from time to time we would go have dinner with her. Once we even spent the night at her apartment. That night Martin fucked me so hard that we broke the bed. It was my bed because in September I was moving in with Janie. That’s whole other story…

The looks that Janie gave both of us the next morning were priceless. I even caught her trying to steal glances at Martins crotch that morning. Before we left I pulled Janie to the side and whispered in her ear, “I saw you slut.” We both laughed as she broke out in a deep red blush.

One very hot afternoon as I cleaned out the seed building on the farm. I was about to quit. The heat was overbearing. Dirt and dust everywhere sticking to my sweaty body. I didn’t hear Martin come in. As I was bending over lifting the heavy seed bags to stack them I felt Martins hands slip around my waist. Martin pulled me back against him, my ass against his crotch. I could feel his cock press against my ass. It was hard and ready to go. The first thought that came to mind was…oh my.

Martin and I both loved spontaneous sex. It made us both crazy with lust. Martin leaned in and whispered in my ear…”Are you good?”

Let me explain. Over the weeks then months that followed from that first Saturday night there came a need to acknowledge that I was safe to fuck. Those of you that are in gay relationships or at one time or another tried to surprise your girl by fucking her in the ass, understand that in those moments of passion accidents can happen.

Shit happens…

One night we had gone out to see a movie but before the movie we had a big meal. During the movie there were snacks. When we got home someone thought it was a sexy idea to fuck me on the front stoop of his living quarters as we were walking inside. As I reached for the front door Martin pushed me forward bending me over.

At this point I knew what that meant and gladly assumed the position. Martin slid my pants to my knees and at that etiler escort point my hole was ready for his cock. A bit of saliva and a pre cum from his cock was all that was needed. When Martin shoved his cock inside me I felt a bit of a discomfort.

I didn’t understand why I felt this discomfort because I didn’t feel pain. But something didn’t feel right. It took a couple of strokes before both of has realized what had happened.

Yes, I shit on his cock…

Martin and I rushed to the bathroom. Me sitting down on the toilet and him jumping in the shower. Martin was mad. When he got out of the shower he started losing it. I quickly got up and walked out of the bathroom. As soon as I walked into his room I felt the sting of his belt across my ass. I jumped out my skin.

As I turned around I saw Martin getting ready to swing his belt again. I don’t know what came over me but he wasn’t hitting me again, ever. I stuck my hand out and shouted, “STOP!” Martin froze. “That is the last time you will ever hit me!” I said with authority. “I will not let you hit me and if you think that you can hit me know this. I will hit back!” As those words left my mouth I could not believe I was talking to him that way.

Before he could respond and before I could freak out I bolted for the door. That night I cried myself to sleep. Typical victim, I blamed myself for everything. It was all my fault, I kept thinking. How could I have been so stupid, I kept thinking? That night I just knew that our relationship was over. When I woke up the next day I was thinking with more clarity.

Fuck him! I’m not here for him to beat on! I thought to myself. This was the start of my new thought process. I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt me and if he really loved me he wouldn’t want to hurt me. That night Martin showed up at my door. As he knocked I almost jumped out of my skin. I ran to the door, not because I was so eager to see him but I didn’t want my grandfather waking up.

I quickly went outside and walked a safe talking distance from my house with Martin following behind me. After we reached what I thought to be a safe distance from the house I turned and gave Martin an evil glare. “WHAT!” was the first word out of my mouth. I was terrified but I couldn’t let him see that.

Thinking back to that night I have come to understand that I wasn’t scared that he was going to hit me. I had already convinced myself that in some twisted way I deserved to be smacked and had Martin hit me I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted. The reason I say that is because what I was really terrified of right at that moment wasn’t the hit, it was the thought that I was going to lose him.

Martin hung his head, drawing circles in the dirt with the tip of his foot then he slowly started speaking. Martin went on and on about how he always seemed to fuck things up with his girls and now he was doing it with me. Martin explained to me that he had always had a temper and controlling it was hard for him. But most of all Martin wanted me to understand that he really cared about me.

Martin wouldn’t say the love word and it always came back to the fact that he never thought he could love a man. Then he asked for forgiveness. Promising to never, ever disrespect me in any way much less ever lay a hand on me. I stood there finally able to breathe. I had already forgiven him but I wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.

I told Martin that I had to think about it and that his, “I’ve never been with a guy before,” excuse was old and used up with me. “I’m a guy babe and if you can’t deal with it then you need to leave me alone.” I was getting bold now or at least at the time thought I was being bold. Looking back today it wasn’t that I was being bold. I was growing up, mentally, emotionally, I just didn’t realize it at that moment.

Martin promised to do better and he still wanted me. If I still wanted him he said, “You know where to find me David. I’ll be waiting.” With that he turned and walked away disappearing kağıthane escort into the night.

All I could think of was, that fucking asshole. He always gets the last word! Then I smiled and a warmness came over me. Relief was more like it. As I walked inside and got dressed for bed I heard the bathroom flush. I was so happy with how things had turned out that I didn’t even realize that my grandfather had gotten up to go to the bathroom.

As he walked by my room he paused long enough to call out. “Everything ok”” Startled I let him know that everything was fine. My brain exploded. Making up with Martin and now my grandfather asking me if everything was ok. I quickly brushed it off as coincidence at went back to sleep.

In a couple of days things were back to normal but after that incident any time Martin wanted to be spontaneous and fuck me on a whim he would always lean and ask, “are you good?” My response would let him know that as far as I knew I wasn’t going to shit on his cock.

Cleaning the supply buildings sucked. It was hot, dirty work. I was almost finished when Martin bent me over that day. I quickly stepped up on a bag of seed giving me more height so that when I bent over the stack in front of me Martin had a perfect angle on my hole.

Martin had started purchasing small containers of Vaseline that he would mysteriously have in his pocket every time he would surprise me with his instant hard on. In seconds he had shoved a slather of lube on my hole. Then he pushed his fingers in as deep as he could making sure that the lube went in me.

Martin shoving his fingers deep in me with lube were so he knew that I was well lubed and he wouldn’t hurt me. That’s what he told me.

But I figured out why he really did that. It was his way of making sure that, “I was good.” If his fingers came back with only lube it would be game on. If his fingers came back with more than that Martin would walk away in a huff. I would be left with a mess to hurry up and clean up.

Try as hard as you want. In a man on man relationship or if you just get the urge to fuck your wife in the ass. If you aren’t careful things happen…

On this day it was game on. Soon I would feel that wonderful cock on my hole. In moments it become Martin’s pussy. Pushing in with no resistance it was only a matter of seconds before his cock was shoved as far as it would go. Every time Martin bottomed out on me it sent me into a lust frenzy. I would lose all control of my emotions and sounds.

Martin started slowly then built up his rhythm until the familiar sounds of his balls slapping against me with each hit would get louder and louder. Eventually he would reach a brutal pace fucking me with no regard. Me bent over gladly taking every shove of that monster deep inside of me.

Sensing that he was getting close Martin adjusted himself just ever so slightly and just like that he was sliding across my spot. I knew this meant that I had better cum because if I hadn’t cum by that last final shove I would be out of luck. Right on cue I blew my load. Then just as I was starting to shake and quiver, going weak at the knees, Martin made his last shove inside me.

Martin would hold that position as he fought with his own sounds and body. Blowing load after load inside me. Both of us spent and right at that moment we were both oblivious to the world. We would finally gather our composure and he would leave to whatever job he was taking a break from. I would get myself together and finish my job.

The rest of the afternoon I was in a world of bliss all to myself. I enjoyed the feeling that I felt as I moved and bent over doing my job. I could feel Martins load drooling out of me at odd moments the rest of the day. That day the farm foreman pulled up and wanted to talk to me. As he was explaining what he wanted me to do next I could feel cum rolling out of my well fucked hole.

To this day I don’t know how I kept a straight face as I stood there listening to my instructions.

Summer was great but it was coming to an end. September was right around the corner which meant I would be moving into the city with Janie. This would be a summer that would be hard to beat for the longest time.

I would be starting my college career soon and the changes that life was about to throw at me were changes that I never saw coming…

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