Finding Out Ch. 05

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I bolted off the field and tore through the change rooms, trying desperately to catch Julian. He couldn’t have gone far, yet he was nowhere to be seen. He’d probably wasted no time in getting into his car and driving home, at least I hoped he was driving home. I would get changed and head there. I made my way back into the change room to my gear. By now I’d had a chance to breathe and think, I decided to send him a text, but I didn’t know what to say. I sat staring at my phone for what felt like forever. Nothing came to me. Maybe it would be better to chat face to face, to see his expressions, and hear the tone of his tone of voice instead of sending a hasty and risky message. Heaven forbid I confessed my feeling to him and he had merely been upset over stepping on gum in his nice shoes.

Throwing the phone back into my bag I headed for the showers. If he had been disappointed because he saw me kissing someone else and things went well when I found him, I didn’t want him running his hands through my hair and finding grass in it or kissing my neck and tasting dirt. Just the thought of his plush full on my neck had me biting my lip and imagining all the incredible things that would follow. I showered, dried myself and dressed quickly; checking myself in the mirror as I walked out. I took a deep breath.

The short drive to Julian and Luke’s house mainly consisted of me telling myself ‘you got this’ repeatedly and trying to pump myself up. By the time I arrived I had managed to work up a strong bravado. Before I knew it I was at the door, heart in my throat, determined. I knocked confidently and waited. With each second I could hear my blood pumping louder and louder in my ears. Luke opened the door and looked at me quizzically, his head cocked to one side.

“Wasn’t expecting you this evening, thought you might be Çapa Escort off celebrating with that cute little cheerleader.” He gave a cheeky smile and leaned against the door frame.

“No, NO!” was all I managed to get out. Ordinarily Luke’s brotherly teasing would have me rolling my eyes and laughing with him but now it was just disheartening. If that’s what things had appeared to Luke, it can’t have looked much different to Julian standing next to him. Luke stepped back, allowing my access to the apartment.

“You coming in then? I just put a frozen lasagne in the oven, there’s plenty.” He offered.

“Actually, I wanted to see Julian” Luke raised his eyebrow quizzically and replied.

“You just missed him; he was heading out when I got home”

“Oh.” was all I could muster but my face must have shown the severity of my disappointment. I didn’t have a backup plan. I’d psyched myself up and now I was at a loss.

“He was going to Lady Adelaides, it’s only a few blocks away…” Luke volunteered. My eyes lit up and I started backing away, the smile returning to my face. The plan was back on.

“Wait!” Luke’s worlds pierced the air and I falter; but he was grinning at me. He grabbed his wallet from the table by the door and pulled out his licence, handing it to me.

“They won’t let a 19 year old into that club.” I pulled him into a tight hug

“Thank you!” I exclaimed again and I sprinted down the stairs. Walking rapidly down the two blocks toward the infamous ‘Lady Adelaides’. The local gay bar and club.

When the bouncer let me through and I emerged into the bright lights, vibrant decorations; I couldn’t help but marvel at how lucky I was to have such a generous and unquestioning brother who looked very similar to me. Then looking around I saw him. Sitting on a bar stool at the far end of the bar. His Çapa Escort Bayan gaze staring down into his drink as if watching the ice cubes slowly melt away. He looked sad and tired. He didn’t notice me as I approached. Not until I was standing right next to him.


When I saw Matt kiss that girl I was initially shell shocked, completely empty and then came the hurt. I had spent so much time pining and after discovering the sites and images on his computer had built myself up with false hope. Looking back now I shouldn’t have assumed so much. Maybe he was just curious, maybe… oh I don’t know. What did it matter? He had what’s her name and I would just have to get over it. What better to help with that better than scotch and half-dressed bartenders?

With it being so early in the night there was no que into the club any very few patrons inside. I took a stool down the back; far enough that no one aside from the bar tenders would bother me. I wasn’t interested in picking up tonight. I just wanted to be alone. The bartender was a cute, black guy with a bald head, impressive arms and thick eyeliner. On a fun, flirty night out I would have ordered a cocktail just to watch him shake it up. Not tonight though.

“What can I get you?” He asked politely.

“Scotch on the rocks.” He nodded. “Make that two.”

“Sure thing.” He filled two glasses with ice and scotch and placed them in front of me.

“That’ll be $15.” I tried to smile at him as I gave him my card.

“I’d like to start a tab.”

“Easy done.” He took my card and read my name off of it “…Julian” He handed me a white plastic card with the number 764 printed on it.

“Just show that card whenever you want to add something to your tab.” I saw the pity in his eyes and couldn’t even bring myself to object. I was being Escort Çapa utterly pathetic, but I’d allow myself for tonight. Just for tonight. Then tomorrow I would pick myself up and smile like all was well. It would be hard but I would move on, or at least try. I downed my first drink in one mouthful and pushed the glass away. How on earth was I meat to get over Matt? He was perfect.

Pondering this, I stared into my next drink, considering that I should take this one slower lest I ended up a delightful slobbery mess and did something really stupid. Then something startled me. Someone was far too close to me. Why? There were so many stools free, so much space available and they were getting closer and closer. I looked up ready to tell whomever it was to piss off, when I saw him. Matt, standing right there, right next to me, taking the stool next to mine. His lips moving, speaking apparently and my mind were taking in none of it.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to choke out.

“I wanted…” he paused. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” I was trying desperately to sound confident. This conversation could go anywhere, it could be really bad or absolutely fantastic.

“Well.” he started casually “I don’t know if you notice but some girl laid one on me after the game”

“I did.” I stated rather soberly.

“It was weird right?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement than a question. I nodded and then I started laughing and he started laughing too. Relief washing over me as he slapped him hands down against my arm. The joke (if it even was one) wasn’t that funny but the alleviation of all the heart break and overthinking had us overly gleeful.

We were still chuckling when the bar tender approached and inquired if Matt wanted anything. He was smiling at me now, no more pity in his eyes. I smiled back. Matt ordered a beer and I told to bartender to put it on my tab. I liked it when he argued with me about it, pulling back on my arm, batting my hand and eventually giving in.

“Fine.” he sighed. Laying his hand on my knee and giving it a gentle squeeze.

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