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I stood for a moment watching the empty space she had left. What now? I looked around me. Strangely, the world around me was going on as normal. Nothing had changed and people were still going about their daily lives as if nothing had happened, which, of course, in the general scheme of things, nothing had happened but in my world a life changing event had happened. My world had stopped. I started to walk. I didn’t know where to but I walked, aimlessly, and ended up back at the mall. At least it was warm there but I had no interest in shops now. I fell back on my old crutch, coffee. While I sat nursing the mug I pondered what to do next. Should I tell my husband, Philip? Tell him what? “Darling, I had a one night stand while I was away. It’s okay though it was only a woman, you don’t need to worry!” Should I say nothing? After all, If Sam is gone there is nothing to tell, everything will just continue as normal… won’t it? No, of course it won’t. It wasn’t just a one night stand. It meant so much to me, more than I ever could have imagined. I thought that my new found bisexuality meant that I just wanted sex with women, I didn’t imagine in a million years there would be any strong feelings and Sam, what had I done to her? Confused, bewildered and now, alone, I felt awful. So many people hurt and all because of me. My selfishness, my desires and my thoughtlessness and the worse thing of all? I couldn’t change anything now, the damage was permanent. “Excuse me.” I looked up. A young waitress. “Have you finished, only we are closing now?” I looked at my mug. Like my heart it was cold and empty. “Oh, yes… sorry.” I stood and left. The time on the big digital clock in the mall showed five thirty. Another hour and my train would take me back home. I was dreading it now. The station was very busy, packed with rush hour commuters and, as I retrieved my case from the locker, I checked the departure screen. ‘18.03 Edinburgh… 12… On Time’. On a bench on platform twelve, as I went down to wait, I noticed a figure, a woman, sitting slouched forward, head bowed, arms folded in her lap, alone. Was she asleep? Worse still was she okay? I touched her shoulder and slowly, she raised her head. “Sam!” Her eyes were red. She had been crying. “What are you doing here?” “Waiting, Anna, for you.” elvankent escort I sat beside her I put my arms around her and held her tightly. “Why didn’t you call me?” “I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to travel home without you but I needed time to think. I knew you were booked on the 18.03 but I checked every train in case you left early.” I felt my eyes moisten. She looked so sad, like a little girl lost and s he lay her head on my shoulder, snuggling in to me and for a moment we were as one.We stayed that way, in silence, until the train pulled into the platform. “The train now standing at platform twelve is the 18.03 high speed train service to Edinburgh. Calling at Tamworth, Derby, Chesterfield, Sheffield, Wakefield, Westgate, Leeds, York…” I didn’t need to hear any more. Still holding on to me Sam walked beside me and stepped onto the train. I put my case in the luggage space and we found two seats together. We had a two hour journey ahead of us and I had no idea what to say, so, as the train pulled slowly out of Birmingham, we sat, silently, with her hand resting in mine on my lap. After a while, Sam turned her face away from the darkness of the winter countryside flashing by and said, “Anna, Why did this happen?” “What do you mean, exactly?” “Why did you seduce me?” For the second time that day I felt as though a hot knife had been pushed through my heart. I didn’t answer right away but she must have seen the hurt in my eyes for she continued, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that I blame you or anything, I just wondered why me. Did you think I looked that way or something?” “No Sam!” Maybe a little too sharply as her eyes opened wider for a moment, “I didn’t think that way at all.” “Please don’t be angry with me, Anna. I don’t understand about these things.” Her eyes began to well up again, “Please help me. I am so confused. I can’t handle it on my own.” “I know,” squeezing her hand. “I’m sorry but no, it wasn’t like that. I admit that when I first saw you, yesterday, I did think you were beautiful but once we parted to board the train, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. For those few minutes we got on so well it was as if we had known each other for ever.” “Yes, I know,” she said, “that is how I felt too.” “When I was pushed into you emek escort bayan it was as if fate had thrown us together once more and this time I didn’t want to ignore it. It was chatting over coffee that finally convinced me you were special. Only then did I want to make love with you. I am sorry to say that I didn’t really consider how it would affect you, all I could think about was what I wanted and for that I am so, so very sorry. I am a selfish person and I have made such a mess of things.” My voice trailed into silence. “You didn’t force me to sleep with you, Anna. I wanted to. All the things you described, I felt them too only I didn’t realise what I was feeling. I am twenty-nine years old, I could have said no when you asked me up to your room but I knew what was going to happen, I wanted for it to happen but now it has, I don’t know how to deal with it.” I held her gaze steadily. “Sam. I have to ask you. When we get off this train, do you want us to end, to let this go away?” She looked sadly into my eyes but didn’t speak. “If that is what you want, I will not contact you. I have done enough harm already.” “Do you think that would be best?” she asked, “Is it what you want?” “No, Sam, it isn’t what I want, only…” “Only? Only what?” she whispered. “Only that it will be so hard. I started this and don’t know where it is going. We don’t even live in the same town but if you want to know how I truly feel then no, I don’t want it to end.” “If I really didn’t want to see you again, Anna, I would not have waited for you. I want us to be together, at least for now. I will get through this but I need you to help me. I don’t think I can do it alone.”  “Sam,” I told her, “I will never let you down. Even if we do go our separate ways in the future, I will still be here for you until you are happy again and know what you want.” She seemed contented then. I wiped the moisture from around her eyes and she sat back in her seat with her head on my shoulder and holding tightly onto my arm. We didn’t speak any more for the remainder of the journey and all too soon the Train Manager was announcing the imminent arrival at our destination. We stood together on the platform as the train pulled out, continuing without us on it’s long journey north. “Well, Escort eryaman Samantha, it’s time,” I said to her. “I know,” she replied “Will you be alright?” “Yes. I have to be. From this moment on I have to deal with it. I will call my Mum before I get my last train and stay with her tonight although I don’t know what I will tell her.” “Okay, Sweetheart,” I replied with a heart that felt as though it was made of lead. “I will not call you but if you need me then just pick up the phone, no matter what time of day or night.” I put my arms around her and kissed her. Not passionately, just our lips pressed hard together. Then she turned and walked slowly away as if she was carrying a heavy burden, which, I suppose, she was. “Take care my love,” I whispered. “Good luck.” Then I turned and headed for the station entrance.Philip! I suddenly thought, I hadn’t called him! Oh Lord, what will he be thinking? I quickly opened my handbag and grabbed my phone but in my haste I dropped it onto the hard tiled floor. It smashed and pieces went everywhere. I panicked. Shuffling around the floor I grabbed as much as I could find but the screen had broken. I needed my phone! Sam couldn’t call me without it and her number was on it. I couldn’t call her either! I couldn’t believe it, how could this happen? I looked around frantically. Where was the payphone? There it is! I turned too quickly as I ran towards the post that contained the three public phones and my steel tipped heels slipped from under me on the smooth tiles. I heard, as much as felt, the sharp crack of bone as my ankle gave way to the sudden pressure exerted upon it and I went down like a sack of potatoes. The contents of my handbag spilled everywhere and I came to rest sprawled out on the floor surrounded by make up, tissues, diary, pen, purse and the pain in my ankle was excruciating. A man rushed over to help me. He looked very concerned. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Ow, No. My ankle…” I whimpered. “Let’s have a look,” he said, gently and lifted the hem of my trouser leg. “I’m no expert but I think it may be broken. I’ll get you an ambulance.” “No, please, I have to phone my husband!” I exclaimed and tried to stand. “Ow, ow, ow.” “Stay still. You cannot stand with that ankle. Wait for the paramedics.” “But, my husband,” I continued, “I need to tell him I am here. He will worry!” “Do you have a mobile?” I shook my head frantically, “It smashed.” “It’s okay, Miss…?” “Anna.” “It’s okay, Anna, you can use mine but let me get you an ambulance first.” He took his phone out of his shirt pocket and tapped the screen three times.

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